A rare emotional post

Ok, I'm going to do something i told myself I wouldn't do. Make a emotional blog post about what's going on with my feelings. Not that I think it's wrong to express myself, i just don't feel that the right forum for this is the Internet. But since a lot of my emotional turmoil right now is from stuff happening online, this is the right spot for it at the moment.
Now i have a lot of things going on in RL right now as well that are probably adding to my emotional instability, not that I'm always stable when things are going right.

Yesterday I lost a friend in SL, she didn't die but she may as well have for all i know what is happening to her. A dear friend of mine (who may not have been as close a friend as I thought) left SL yesterday with no word to anyone. She evacuated her lot (She rented on Desperation Isle, who is owned by my family's Matriarch, who then asked me if i knew what was going on because she knew I was close to Cait.) and took down all her vendors.
Now I know she had been having a lot of work stuff going on lately and hadn't been on SL much the previous week, I had hoped when I first heard it s he was just selling off the stuff that was costing her money for little or no return. Then I looked at her profile which said "Gone for a while, maybe forever" or something close to that.
To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. Now I'm not so new online that I've never had to dealt with an online friend just disappearing before, it's sort of the nature of the beast on the Internet.
But I was really hurt that she didn't at least say bye. A mutual friend brought up that maybe she just wanted to avoid a big weepy goodbye, which I can understand. Though I thought that the two of us were close enough that she'd at least send off a message to let people know she's ok and not going to be around for a bit. All i would have liked was a small "Don't worry about me."
I don't know if it was a secret that I had a pretty big crush on Cait or not, but I did, still do i guess.
I was really down yesterday when i heard she was gone.
i guess the bright side is, when I'm down i usually go shopping, so yesterday ended up with me getting a new dress, some underwear (which doesn't show up on the skin i am using it for, if anyone who is reading this knows where to find a set of doll joints in a underwear layer that are more white then brown [the ones i found are brownish and look like they belong on a flesh colored doll, I'm using a black latex skin and want something that shows up on that.] then please let me know in game! ) and will probably result in more shopping today.
I miss you already Cait.